From Academic Ambitions to Addictive Gaming and Back Again

Hands Bound by Wires of Controller

Addiction is a problem everyone has suffered with, though on largely varying degrees; it could range from a short-burst obsession with any media series, triggering a session of binge-watching over a couple of days, to a full-blown, raging drug dependence that utterly wrecks one’s life. Nevertheless, despite the fact that all addictions should be addressed with equal diligence, some of the seemingly less severe ones, such as the just-mentioned former, are often handled misappropriately or remain flat-out unaddressed until the window ends. After all, a binging session will end after a few days, right? “It’ll be fine, it’s not really ‘an addiction’--I’ll get back to my normal schedule soon” is a sentence we’ve all told to ourselves at some point.

And thankfully, that is what typically happens. We do get back to doing whatever we were doing before. However, what if the continued indulgence doesn’t stop? What if it prolongs until you drive your life, and everything you’ve worked for, into the ground? In this

article, we explore Ethan’s journey overcoming his gaming addiction as he entered college and some of its long-lasting effects on his life.

Night View of Beijing, China

Born in an urban district of Beijing, China, Ethan lived a relatively normal life, growing up in an apartment and attending school. One of his biggest motivations for studying when little, Ethan says, “was praise from teachers and parents.” In high school, he had the chance to participate in an exchange program in the US; after applying, he was encouraged to “double-down” on this opportunity and also consider studying college abroad. As such, after finishing high school overseas, Ethan also applied to University of California, Irvine, continuing his studies in America. Upon acceptance, he decided to attend as an undecided major, officially becoming an undergrad in 2014.

University of California, Irvine

In college, Ethan shared an apartment with seven other classmates. When asked what his first thoughts were upon arriving on campus, he said, “I definitely believed I would get straight A’s,” despite the fact that he wasn’t able to do so in high school. Nevertheless, he believed that his grades could be remedied through constant hard work. “I planned to strive hard and work 24/7.” However, “that obviously didn’t happen,” Ethan says. Before long, he grew an intense gaming addiction, specifically to League of Legends, and stopped attending classes, taking exams, or finishing assignments.

Giving further insight on his routine when he was addicted to gaming, Ethan comments, “I would stay up late until five in the morning, skip class the entire day to sleep, and wake up around four to six PM to play more.” Additionally, when questioned about why it was video games that captivated him so much, Ethan answered, “It’s honestly hard to tell. Maybe it’s the flashy graphics and personal achievement. Seeing the numbers grow, hoarding the resources, or even the adrenaline boost.”

Pile of Homework Assignments on Desk

However, no matter how much a person tries to avoid their responsibilities, they eventually cross a point of no return. For Ethan, this was when midterms started. There, he started to realize the severity of the hole he dug himself into, searching for anything he could use to climb out, for any mistakes he could still fix. Unfortunately, it was too late by then. “I did ‘try’ a handful of times along the way,” Ethan says, especially as his midterms inched closer. “But seeing all the piled up assignments, many past their due dates, combined with the fact that the highest grade I could still achieve was a C, getting myself back up just seemed…impossible. I took a look at the past homework, and five minutes in, realized I couldn’t do that.” With just five weeks left until the interim, the situation didn’t just seem, but actually was, hopeless.

Ethan continued worrying about his situation, but also felt hopeless because there was nothing he could do about it. Sometimes, he had panic attacks so big he couldn’t even fall asleep. To cope with his stress, he continued digging himself deeper and deeper into video games, until his entire body physically ran out of energy and he was forced to rest. On the outside, he would continue comforting himself, saying that things were okay, but intrinsically, he knew that everything wasn’t.

Nevertheless, the inevitable caught up with Ethan, and by the end of that semester, he was disqualified from university. Ethan had a couple choices of what to do next, and he eventually decided he wanted to continue studying at a local community college, San José State. From there, he slowly addressed some of his underlying issues regarding motivation. Even though it’s still a problem he still hasn’t been able to fully eradicate, almost an entire decade later, he’s thankfully able to live while balancing his duties and gaming much better now.

Looking back, Ethan believes that he should’ve changed the environment he was in. However, it’s admittedly hard; even after realizing you need to change your habits, the barrier one needs to cross to start taking action can be extremely high. When asked for advice Ethan would give to others who could be going through a similar predicament, he says, “Listen to the advice of others. Block your distractions, just go outside and exercise, and find a group who can support you.”

Personally, I believe that Ethan’s predicament is one we all can relate to: when introduced to something new, there’s an initial surge of motivation to start strong. However, that wave of energy quickly dies off as the novelty fades and the reality of the responsibilities that come alongside this new task starts to emerge. In Ethan’s words, he describes it as “the syndrome of overpromising and under delivering.”

However, Ethan is able to still look back on what happened bittersweetly. In the process, he was able to understand his limits and predisposition to addiction when unmonitored. After all, without his struggles, he couldn’t have learned from his mistakes and become the person he is today.

Person Breaking Free from Chains