Step into any office building, and you’ll see dozens upon dozens of people working on end. Due to how it's considered taboo to share your personal life at work, it’s easy to forget that each employee has their separate life story, a different journey they’ve experienced, all masked behind “proper office etiquette.” What does a software engineer think of fulfillment in their life? The prospect of sacrificing health for monetary gain? Today, all those questions will be answered as we lift the veil and delve into the story of Paul’s life, a software engineer at Google.
Our story begins in Changshu, China, an agrarian community in the Jiangsu Province. Although Changshu was a relatively prosperous town overall, with fertile land suitable for agronomy, Paul was born on its poorer outskirts. His parents had been farmers: they grew wheat in the autumn and rice for the spring, before eventually switching to raising livestock. “They were often exhausted from work and couldn’t spend much time with me,” Paul comments. As a result, Paul spent most of his early days with his grandfather. Nevertheless,
despite his frugal lifestyle, Paul was still able to enjoy life. He celebrated Chinese New Year with food and new clothing, still had enough to eat, and spent time playing with other children from his town. Together, their group would tussle in the fields and the river, pick fruit, play traditional Chinese board games, and host marble-rolling and rubber band slinging contests. Paul would even go to his wealthier neighbor’s house to watch TV and play the Nintendo Famicom during the summer, when he didn’t have to attend school. Unfortunately, this wouldn’t be able to last forever. As Paul turned eight, his mother gave birth to a second son. Due to China’s One-Child Policy, to legally keep the child and avoid a forced abortion, Paul’s parents were fined ¥10000 yuan, an amount worth over five years of their combined salary back then. Financial stability became a point of major concern in his family. His entire family had to begin living a much more frugal life, and his carefree childhood came to an end.
“After the birth of my brother, my father had said to me, ‘We don’t have rich or powerful relatives. There’s no one to help us in this world–things will have to depend on you and the effort you put,’” Paul comments. As a result, upon entering middle school, he listened to his father’s advice and began to put lots of effort into his studies, rarely even leaving the houselife. He realized life couldn’t just consist of playing out in the fields all day anymore. He had a younger brother to fully take care of, parents to support, and grades to maintain.
Three years later, Paul graduated from his local middle school with good grades and was given the chance to board at a prestigious high school. He took the opportunity, with the prospect of having a successful future motivating him to keep pushing onwards. “For people born in the countryside, education was the only way to success,” Paul states. Even though attending high school was already a big accomplishment back then, Paul continued to excel academically and stayed at the top of the class.
When asked what made him listen to his parents advice, Paul answers, “Part of it came from a natural respect. They were the ones who raised and provided for me.” Another part came from the fact that through his good actions, he was able to bring respect to the family. Paul realized that through living a disciplined life, he wouldn’t only bring honor to himself, he brought honor to his entire family. “When the parents met together at the end of every semester, they would offer to smoke with my dad, congratulating him on my accomplishments. These were city people paying respect to a farmer. It made my parents proud, and I was proud I was able to make them proud.”
However, one of Paul’s biggest motivators was the fear of regret. “My mother would talk to me about my father,” he said, giving us an anecdote of his life. “She told me about a side job he once had. In his free time, my dad was a freelance construction worker. If people wanted to get a project built, they’d hire organizers who would create a team of freelance workers and get the necessary materials. Thus, they were able to earn money without having to put in intense physical labor. My father had been a freelancer for a long time, so
one day, he was offered to be hired as an official organizer. Yet, my dad wasn’t able to take the offer–he didn’t have an educational background, nor knew proper etiquette when trying to conduct business, and despite his expertise. Thus, he had to continue laboring physically, damaging his body, instead of using his brain and essentially creating a business.”
“My mom told me about how much my dad looked back with regret due to not being able to take advantage of this opportunity. Everybody knows the harmful effects of toiling in the fields under the sun or carrying bags of bricks in construction. That was the life he was subjected to.”
“Of course, I don’t blame my father for having to pass the opportunity–he had no access to education when he was young. He had no choice. However, I did have a choice. I had the freedom to choose my destiny. I didn’t want to head into a future where I’d have to pass life-changing opportunities and look back with regret. Thus, I chose to work hard and listen to my parents.”
When prompted to discuss how much influence his parents had on his success, Paul said, “Their assistance mattered a lot. Even though they didn’t have much money, they still supported my educational needs as much as they could. They paid the additional fee for attending honors classes in middle school [one still had to test into it first]. They still gave me birthday money to buy books for studying. If it wasn’t for their contributions, their vision, and their willingness to help, I’m not sure if I would’ve studied beyond high school.”
Upon finishing high school, Paul continued to attend the prestigious Nanjing University, where he studied computer science. Part of Paul’s success could be attributed to the systematic nature of China's Gaokao. Despite his general criticisms towards it, he says, “The
Gaokao still created a relatively fair and equitable process of selection. No matter whether your family was rich or not, the material we were tested on was the same. If you got a good score, you went to a good university–it was as simple as that.”
A few years after graduating from university, Paul moved to the US. “When I first entered college, I had no idea I would move out of China,” he said. “I was just focused on ways I could make my parents’ lives easier.” Nevertheless, his respect for his parents continued, even from another country. “I’d still make sure to call them once every few days.”
Overall, Paul agrees that maintaining a good relationship was integral to becoming the person he is today. In America, he was hired as a software engineer for Google. Against all odds, Paul went from growing up in the countryside to having a family in America.
“Recognizing the changes in responsibility is also necessary for growing up,” Paul says. “As you grow from being a carefree child to an adult who needs to care for his parents, your responsibility needs to grow along with your age.”
However, just because Paul didn’t have any regrets about his academic career doesn’t mean he had no regrets in general. One could even argue all his time spent studying was at the expense of other aspects of life. Despite the fact that Paul’s happy he’s able to support his family with a high paying job, he wishes he could’ve spent more time with his parents as he grew up and his children as they were growing up. Similarly, just because Paul has “made it” and achieved his goal of financial success doesn’t mean life is free of struggles. There’s still difficulty in being a software engineer, especially the constant need to keep up with developments in the technological world. Being a software engineer additionally means you often have a heavy workload.
Furthermore, Paul admitted that an unfortunate byproduct of his success was greed. “A lot of Chinese people have a culture of wanting more. After graduating from a top university, I wanted a good car. I wanted a nice house. I wanted so much more than just my original dream of successfully providing for me and my family.” As he went from attending a small village school to boarding in high school to eventually moving to the US, he said, “I should’ve been more content along the way with what I had. Instead, my desire just grew and grew.”
When asked if he would’ve still been content with life if he didn’t chase his dreams as intently, Paul answers, “I’m honestly not too sure. Maybe I still would’ve been content. A person only feels unfulfilled when they see something they don’t have. If I wasn’t exposed to as much of the world as I had been through my hard work, maybe I would’ve dreamed for less. Maybe I would’ve had much less ambitious goals than the ones I did. You just don’t know.” Is a person who’s never presented with the opportunity to feel regret as happy as someone who has no regrets because they lived a fruitful life? Should they be as happy?
Some questions may forever elude us. Yet, as we delve into Paul's journey, we glean a truth: life presents challenges, irrespective of our efforts. Dedication to studies may mean less time with family. Conversely, prioritizing family commitments might entail missing out on professional opportunities. What remains certain is the paramount importance of honoring one's parents and striving wholeheartedly toward our endeavors.
(Interviewee has requested anonymity and prefers to be called Paul in this article)
Interesting to see immigration at different time and age
Interesting to see the perspective of someone growing up in the countryside!
Thank you so much, Paul, for giving me the opportunity to interview you! And apologies to all readers for the gap between postings, finals have definitely been hard on us high schoolers. Look for more articles in the upcoming week though!